I'll Have To Go Away / Renee Armand, Kerry Chater

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 So many David Cassidy's songs are so..sad. This one is...always painful to listen. Recorded for the first time by a Canadian band, Skylark. By David in 1976 for his third RCA album, 'Gettin' It In The Street'. Renee Armand who wrote lyrics for that song, told 'Goldmine Magazine' in 2018 : ' I cried for him because I could hear his age, his time. He wasn't a kid anymore. He was a man, and I could hear his live, unfixed vocal. He was singing from his heart. Like any really good singer, he was telling the truth, his truth. It hurts to hear it, and still I'm so completely, overhelmingly proud of this beautiful man's record of my first song.'

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3ko4_FtqsMQ

A song about depression.

I've wanted to write that post many times, but each time I've been thinking to myself - 'better not'. Because too personal and too ..sad. So you don't have to read it, but I feel time comes to write about it.

 We want to remember happy David Cassidy, someone who brought love and light, I've written about that part of his legacy myself many times. It's very important of course, but this is not everything. In a way I think I owe him that post, David Cassidy wasn't afraid to share with us a lot of things from his life, and because of it one night I've learnt something very important. This is a post about depression. Don't be afraid, not about his addiction, I can write about it myself. I'm a typical Aries, very impatient one, everything right now, even faster, and such people are more prone to addicton.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWXx03VFVsY&t=56s

I'm a very happy person, always been, every cloud has a silver lining etc, when I was a kid my mum used to call me Polyanna, like that annoying girl from Eleanor Porter's book. I was even happy in the 80s, when in Poland we had a martial law..But in 2000s I had a depression for very long 5 painful years..Anyway, maybe because I'm so optimistic, I managed to turn back from that road, but I know what it means, and I'm not talking about bad mood everybody has from time to time..So when I read DC's autobiographies it struck me right away - that he was depressive and didn't like himself and also didn't believe that people really loved him. And it was even   more obvious when I heard  Elliot Mintz' tapes..

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y6-TSWvnqoc

That indifferent tone of his voice when he was talking about his success, he didn't want to remember many things, Elliot had to get out of him information, dates and names, and that moment when he said that after the MSG's concert he had a breakdown and started thinking that maybe he was wrong in wanting to be in showbusiness...That was scary. And suddenly I've understood something. And it was like David Cassidy himself  took a backpack full of bricks from my shoulders, a backpack I carried for a very long time. Feeling guilty. Because there was a person in my family, depressive one, and I've been feeling guilty about it, and it only spoiled our relationship for years. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jYkM03IZnk

And that night I understood that it wasn't my fault, that I shouldn't feel guilty and the only thing which was needed , and the only thing I could give, was unconditional love and understanding and being always on that person side. And it has improved our relationship in a way you can't imagine. And I owe it to David Cassidy..and will be forever grateful for it.



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